My Deconversion Story

Let me start by saying that this will not be a comprehensive list of all the reasons that I think Christianity is man-made. This is just my story of how I left Christianity and it does not contain any of the research that I did.

First, someone will ask, how do you know that you were a Christian? Well, at one time I really believed that Jesus had come to earth, died for my sins in my place, rose in 3 days and was back in heaven, listening to my prayers and I "put my trust in him" believing he would save me from eternal punishment. I believed that the Bible was inspired by God. I believed that the Genesis account was history. I believed I was saved from hell and that I needed to tell others about Jesus to save them as well. I do think that it is possible to believe something at one time and not believe it at another (such as believing in Santa when you're little, but no more when you're grown). The point is, I believed - I prayed - I read my Bible - I went to church - I served - (you get the point).

So what happened? Well, I guess you could say I think too much. I was always thinking about how to make sense of things in a Christian worldview or in a Biblical framework. Certain things bothered me. I would put them out of my mind, but they would come back again. In Sunday School we were learning how to "Share Jesus without Fear" (a video series) and something really bothered me. You were supposed to ask the person you were witnessing to this question: "If what you believed, were not true, would you want to know?" This seemed arrogant to me. You are basically asserting that they are wrong and if they want to know the truth you'll show them the truth in some select Bible verses. This left me with two thoughts: (1) What if Christians are wrong, would they want to know? and (2) Do I really believe this enough to share it with someone else?

Next, I began to really question the Bible. Why do Christians think that it is God's word? On what authority do they base this? I understand that they believe Jesus endorsed the old testament, but what about the new testament?  I ended up doing a Google search for "Is the Bible God's Word?" and I read this essay. It is written by a skeptic, and it was the first of many things I would read written by a skeptic. A skeptic is someone "who questions the validity or authenticity of something purporting to be factual" (dictionary.com). At this point I realized that it was not wrong to read arguments that were against Christianity. After all, if Muslims only read things written by supporters of Islam they would never think of converting to Christianity. I decided that if Christianity were true then it would stand up to any criticism against it. At this time I made a choice to step down from the ministry I was heading at my church. I knew that I could not take a serious look at Christianity without it affecting the rest of my life. My growing doubts combined with what I was reading by skeptics and ex-Christians led me to a state of disbelief. I hope to write about some of the things I discovered in future blog posts.

I cannot say with certainty that Christianity is not true, so I refrain from arguing with Christians because they are entitled to their own beliefs. I have not tried to de-convert anyone and my wife is still a Christian. She is now in charge of where we go to church and she has been taking us (we have four kids) to a nice church that is more contemporary than our previous church. I don't expect to find answers to my questions in church. No one wants to discuss contradictions, skeptical viewpoints, etc. For the most part I just read a lot.

I do want to say that I enjoy not being a Christian. There is no more guilt about always having to be a better Christian. I like a fresh perspective and this has given me a new way of looking at things. I have been able to spend more time with my family as we have less church-related obligations. We don't really pray at meal times anymore unless one of my children volunteers (once in a while). I also like being able to read alternative viewpoints. I read through debate transcripts and carefully look at the claims being made by both sides. I read blogs and I read through comments made by people of various worldviews. The sense of freedom I have from no longer being close-minded is hard to describe.